


Ghost Of You

by MermaidLee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Depression, Gen, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Overdosing, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26367634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MermaidLee/pseuds/MermaidLee
Summary: They broke up three months ago and Harry is still broken. Left alone in what used to be their house, with their memories on the walls, the ache in his heart wins.He just wants the pain to go away.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne & Harry Styles, Niall Horan & Harry Styles, Niall Horan & Zayn Malik & Liam Payne & Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Ghost Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Based loosely on Ghost of You by 5sos. Trigger warnings for depression and a suicide attempt!

He's awake but he can't open his eyes. If he opens his eyes, the fading image of his dream will be gone. Louis will be gone. 

Before long, he knows it's time to get up. The Louis that lived only in his head told him to, and he'd always listen to Louis. Always. So he opens his eyes and his heart breaks all over again as he looks at the empty half of the bed, permanently cold because even when he's asleep he knows that spot is Lou's and only Lou's. He immediately reaches to his bedside table. 

His fingers wrap around the bottle's neck, room temperature glass smooth under his touch. He pulls himself up only enough to sit as he starts his now-normal daily routine. He can't help the tear that breaks free when he thinks of how disappointed Louis would be in him. But that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing's mattered since Louis left. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


He doesn't get up from ~~their~~ **his** bed until the bottle is empty. The rest of the alcohol is in the fridge downstairs and he needs it. So, with a sound of protest, he pushes himself up from the bed and slowly treads downstairs, keeping his eyes downcast as he heads to the kitchen. When he opens the fridge he bypasses the beers and ignores the single bottle of wine, instead going straight for the vodka. He just knows it's going to be that kind of day.

He didn't bother with glasses, or even a chair, choosing instead to simply close the fridge door and slide to the ground, opening the bottle and sighing.

It didn't take long before he was satisfyingly numb, head rested back against the fridge door and bottle still held loosely in the hand in his lap. It was then that he turned his head just enough for his eyes to catch on one of the framed pictures he's been avoiding for 3 months now. He felt his eyes fill with tears as he looked at the picture. This picture had the two of them pressed together on a couch, lips connected on a drunken night at a party. Louis was wearing the shirt that Harry had been wearing for a month now. Back then they were so in love. So young. So dumb. A sob caught in Harry's throat, choking him. 

Bottle still in hand, he stood up, moving to the picture as he felt the tears fall. He pressed a soft hand to the glass, staring at the picture before finally crying out, pulling the frame off the wall and throwing it to the ground, watching the glass shatter from behind glazed eyes. He moved to the living room, where more pictures hung. He went through them one by one, letting the memories drown him as he smashed them against the ground. With each broken frame, the vodka became steadily more empty. It felt like the glass from the pictures was imbedding itself in his already aching heart. 

He looked around, surrounded by shards of glass and wood. Broken memories. 

Their first date. 

First Valentine's day.

Random selfies with eyes shining with happiness.

Pictures from friends of the two boys, absolutely in love.

And, finally, the one of the two of them pressed together with happy smiles pressed into a kiss. Happy tears glinted on both their cheeks. Louis' hand was cradling Harry's face, a shiny ring on his finger. 

The night of their engagement. 

That ring now stayed on a chain around Harry's throat, after it had been thrown at him in anger. After he had lost his everything. He pulled the chain from under his shirt now, staring at it. He lost his sun, his moon, and his stars. His will to live. And he'd never get it back.

His phone rang, Liam's name coming across the screen. 

He declined it. 

He trudged upstairs to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. His phone rang again. He declined it. 

He opened the medicine cabinet, grabbing the bottle of pain pills. Phone rang. He declined. 

Harry went back downstairs, choosing to sit amongst the wrecked pictures of a once beautiful relationship. He opened the pills, pouring a few into his hand and popping them into his mouth and swallowing them down with his vodka. Then another few. And another. His phone rang. He declined. Maybe now the pain would finally go away. 

It wasn't long before his vision grew blurred, going dark at the edges as he swayed where he sat. That's when knocking came at the door, which soon turned to banging as no one answered. 

"Harry? Harry, Harry let me in!" He heard Liam call. Harry giggled, a grin finally coming to him after so long. 

"No one's home, Li! Leave a message after the beep!" He called back, grin growing as he began to tip over, now lying on his side among the glass and spilled pills and alcohol. The door slammed open and footsteps rushed in. Harry looked up in time to see not only Liam's horrified face, but Zayn and Niall's as well. He giggled, barely able to lift his hand and wave at them. Then suddenly everyone was moving and everything was too fast.

Liam grabbed Harry under his arms, hauling him up onto the nearby sofa and holding him up. The next thing Harry knew he had fingers jammed down his throat and he began to choke on a gag. A bucket was thrusted under Harry's chin as he emptied his stomach. 

"That's it Harry, spit it all out." A hand ran soothingly up and down his back. Harry whimpered, looking up into the first eyes he saw, which happened to be the teary eyes of Niall. 

"L-L…"

"Let's get him up and into the car, come on boys. We need to get him to the hospital."

Harry whined again, eyes still connected with Niall's as his world continued to darken. 

"Louis…. Want Lou…" Harry was conscious just enough to see the heartbreak in the other boys' eyes before finally slumping into Liam's grip entirely, finally letting go. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He's awake but he can't open his eyes. If he opens his eyes, the fading image of his dream will be gone. Louis will be gone. But a voice is telling him to wake up. A voice is telling him to open his eyes, so he does. He looks over, expecting to see the empty side of his very lonely King sized bed, but instead sees Zayn sitting in a chair, head buried in his hands. It's now that Harry hears the beeping, remembers what happened. 

"Please wake-up Harry, please H, please-"

"Z?"

He watched as Zayn's head snapped up, green eyes connecting with very wet, warm hazel brown. Then Harry had a faceful of hair as an openly crying Zayn threw himself at him. Harry slowly wrapped him arms around the other. 

"You bastard! You absolute bastard! If you ever do that again, I'll rip your balls off, you dumbass!"

His voice grew louder as he continued, which must've been what drew the other two boys into the room. Then he had two more guys on him, trying to hold him in any way they could.

After a bit they finally pulled away, though Zayn kept ahold of his hand, Liam a hand on his knee, and Niall holding his other hand.

"You scared the hell out of us, H." Liam said, voice wavering. Harry looked down, shrugging. 

"Sorry."

"Harry." Harry looked back up, meeting Niall's tear filled eyes.

"You can't do this again, Harry. You can't. You need to  _ talk _ to one of us, or something, please-"

"I d-didn't mean too." Harry started, tears gathering in his own eyes. 

"I was drunk… And I just wanted the pain to stop…" he looked around the room, at the three other boys. 

"It hurts so much, I just want him. He's my...h-he's my soulmate, my heart. I just wanted him...a-and he's gone! He left me… He doesn't want me anymore.." Harry cried, breaking down completely and curling into himself.

"H…." Zayn began, moving to sit next to Harry on the bed, wrapping his arms around the younger boy. "That's not true, it's not true, I swear to you it isn't. He just needs time, H. He'll be back." Harry shook his head, curling into Zayn's side as he cried. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Harry was doing better, but he had been put under suicide watch for a week. It was now going on the fifth day, and Liam and Zayn were currently the ones keeping him company, Zayn on the bed with him again as Liam sat in the chair. Niall was off at work, unable to get the day off.

Harry sat curled around Zayn, listening as the two talked with each other. Suddenly there were footsteps storming down the hallway. The angry footsteps grew closer and the boys turned to look at the door as it slammed open. A raging Louis stood in the doorway, angry tears in his eyes. 

"Does anyone want to tell me why I had to find out  _ the love of my life _ is in the hospital from my _ sister _ who only knew because _ Gemma _ told  _ her? _ " 

The three boys in the room were frozen, staring at the man standing at the door. Liam was the first one to shake himself out, standing.

"Lou you don't understand-"

"No, what I do understand though is that  _ no one _ thought to call me? I had to hear it from-"

The arguing was drowned out by the ringing in Harry's ears as his breathing sped up, unable to tear his eyes away from Louis. His chest began to ache and his grip on Zayn tightened. Zayn looked down at him, eyes becoming concerned.

"H? H, it's okay, come on. Breathe, breathe." He kept quiet as he tried to help Harry relax, only for him to start shaking as tears fell from his eyes. Zayn's eyes snapped up to wear the other two were still arguing.

"That's enough! Liam, he's having a panic attack, I need you to take Louis out."

Louis stepped forward "you can't make me leave, no, I'm here to be with Harry-"

"If you love Harry, step out. You're only hurting him right now. Liam can explain what happened while I try to get him to calm down. Now get out." Zayn said firmly, motioning to the door. With sad eyes, Louis allowed Liam to lead him out.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"He tried to kill himself?" Louis sat slumped against the wall on the hallway floor, hands tugging at his hair. "Why?"

Liam sighed, deciding to sit next to Louis. "He wasn't trying to. He took a lot of pain killers, with way too much alcohol. He said…. He said he just wanted to stop hurting." He explained.

"Stop hurting?" 

Liam looked at Louis, tearing up once again.

"Lou… After you left…" That seemed to be all the other needed to hear as he let out a muffled sob.

"I shouldn't have left, if we had just talked it out-" 

Liam sighed, pulling the other into his arms. 

"You can't change anything now, Lou. And blaming yourself will only make things harder. If you plan on staying, you need to be there for Harry. Talk to him. But if you plan on leaving, then I suggest leaving now. Because we can't watch him go through this pain again." With that, Liam squeezed Louis tightly and then stood up, going back into Harry's room.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Liam entered the room, Zayn had successfully been calmed down, and was now sleeping as Zayn held him tightly. Zayn looked up at Liam. 

"Everything alright?" Liam looked down at Harry, sighing. 

"I hope so." And he climbed into Harry's other side, all three boys squeezing themselves onto the bed. "I really hope so."

  
  


Harry woke up a short time later, bed empty, but a soft hand holding his. He smiled sleepily, squeezing the familiar hand. 

"Mm...Lou…" Harry sighed happily, about to go back to sleep. 

"Harry?" A body pushed him over slightly, crawling in next to him. Harry frowned, fully waking up. He opened his eyes, looking up in confusion. 

"Lou?....Are you real this time?"

Louis bit his lip, face becoming pained. "Yeah baby, it's me." His voice was thick. "I'm here, and I promise I'm not leaving again. I promise."

Harry teared up, clutching onto Louis.

"Please don't leave again, please. I-I'm sorry!"

Louis held the other tighter, fighting back his own tears at the pain and desperation in Harry's voice. "I won't baby, I won't." Louis held Harry tighter, frowning when he felt something underneath Harry's gown. He reached down, gently pulling the chain from under the gown, finally cracking when he saw the ring on it. 

"You kept my ring?..."

Harry sniffled, holding tighter. "The wine is still in the fridge...I can't sleep on your side of the bed...I can't look at our pictures….. that's actually what started this….I-I tore down all our pictures, I'm sorry…"

Louis sighed, running a hand through Harry's hair. "It's okay baby. We'll be okay. We'll go home and figure everything out."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The final two days of Harry's hospital stay were better, Louis slowly easing into the group again after so long. He stayed by Harry's side, sitting on the bed and holding him. He was finally released and the five went back to the house together, none having stepped foot into the place since Harry was hospitalized. 

Which meant the mess was still inside. 

It hurt the boys to walk into the mess, hit with the memory of finding their best friend in the worst state possible. 

It hit Louis hard, a gasp escaping him as he looked at the chaos. The broken picture frames. The overturned vodka bottle. The spilled pills. Louis grabbed onto Harry, holding him tight as he fought more tears. 

"I'm so sorry…"

The other boys got to work as the two had a moment, cleaning up the mess. 

"Lou… It's okay… Come on, let's just… Forget it. It's not going to happen again. I'm okay."

Louis shook his head. "No. I'll never forget this. I'll never forget when Lots told me you were in the hospital. And to find out you almost died? Haz, I will  _ never _ forget this. I'll never forget the pain I caused you." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As time passed, the boys grew to be okay once again. The pictures were reframed and new ones were put up with bright new memories. Harry and Louis found their love and, soon enough, the ring was back on Louis' hand, followed soon by matching wedding bands and a wedding photo joined the ones on the wall. 

It took a while, and a lot of hard work, but soon they were okay again. 


End file.
